one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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