take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
