oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
