..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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