I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
it glows. i had to have it.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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