Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
