He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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