she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
