...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
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