I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.