somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
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Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
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He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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