So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
she told me i tasted like america
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It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?