There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
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If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.