I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!