i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.