i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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