here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
