yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Is Oprah even human
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
