I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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