out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
