Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
