dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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