O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
