Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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