Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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