i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
