A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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