I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
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