Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
