I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize