Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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