Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
