I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
