i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
