Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
