Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize