ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I FOUND THE LEGS
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
