Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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