You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
