Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
