Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Randomize
