At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
