Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
