I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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