I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
This baby is an asshole
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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