we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
