my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
