3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
