It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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