Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
