This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
