you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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