Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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