Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
