Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Randomize
