Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
