bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
