it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
