there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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