but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Randomize
