Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
is wine microwaveable?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize