No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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