i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
