allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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