literally had 100 drinks last night.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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