i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
