so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
