Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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