I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
