High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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