So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
