If that was your dad, he is hot
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
