I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
