My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
