He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
