I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
3pm strippers are depressing
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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