i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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