So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
